Dysfunction in Families
When I created my Instagram page “Confessions of my DF”, my goal was to normalize the idea of having a dysfunctional family, connect with others and their own experiences in their families, and also share some tips and tools for creating healthier patterns and relationships within the family.
By normalizing family problems, I hope that more people will feel comfortable with the idea of exploring how family problems affect you individually, and also encourage seeing a therapist to process it and give you the confidence to take control of your life where you can.
I remember in my Family Systems classes, they would compare the family to car. They would say “imagine each family member is a different part of the car, and when one part goes out, it affects the whole car”. So in other words, the family works together as a system and when 1 person of the family experiences something challenging/stressful, it can have affects on the whole family and how it was working. So let me explain to you 2 ways a family can become dysfunctional:
Type #1: Families that were previously functioning well then experienced a stressor or change
A family can have all the tools they might think they need until something unexpected happens in life. Sometimes these things that happen are normal signs of life and a growing family.
For example:
marriage
having kids
kids growing, transitioning through childhood
child leaving the home
Or types of stressors can have a lasting impact:
death of a significant person
loss of a job/home
health problems
All of these can have an impact on how the family works, some obviously more impactful than others. And just as I mentioned earlier, when 1 thing changes or happens to 1 person, it can affect the whole system. Sometimes it may take some time for the family to adjust to changes, which can lead to temporary dysfunction and pain. Sometimes these problems will get resolved on their own once the whole family is able to adjust and learn how to functional in a whole new way. Sometimes these changes make it very hard for people to accept, and sometimes causing them to get stuck.
Type #2: Families with a Long History of Dysfunction
On the other hand, you have families that have a long history of dysfunction. Through mapping out your family, you can gain some insight about these patterns that have been around forever. Some examples of long term patterns:
domestic abuse
substance use
unhealthy ways of resolving conflict
abuse
mental illness
Families with longer history often times have experienced a lot of trauma, for generations after generations, and unfortunately the patterns and ways they learned to cope with the problems often got passed down to the children, unknowingly.
In conclusion, both these types of families suffer a great deal, and some more than others. Also just because a family is functioning well, doesn’t mean it will always be like that. But I am here to offer both the 2 types of families hope for change and for a healthier future and getting through the dysfunction. And know that its always a great idea to get the support of a professional if you are either one of these families, in order to help you with healing and validation that you so badly need.
If you are interested in exploring your family dynamics/history or the affects it has had on your present life, I offer attachment based trauma informed individual therapy. If you are interested you can book a free 15 min consultation call to find out if I am a good match for you as a therapist. CLICK HERE TO SCHEDULE YOUR CALL!
