Attachment Styles & Friendships

Attachment theory isn’t just about romantic relationships—it plays a key role in shaping how we approach friendships. Our early experiences with caregivers create internal working models that influence how we connect with others, including our friends.

Attachment Styles in Friendships

1. Secure Attachment:
   People with secure attachment styles tend to form balanced, mutually supportive friendships. They feel comfortable opening up, offering help, and receiving support. These individuals trust their friends and maintain healthy boundaries without fear of rejection.

2. Anxious Attachment:
   Those with an anxious attachment style might crave closeness but worry about being valued in the friendship. This can lead to overchecking, people-pleasing, or fearing abandonment. While deeply loyal, they may struggle with feeling secure in the relationship.

3. Avoidant Attachment:
   Avoidant individuals often keep friends at arm’s length. They value independence and may hesitate to share emotions or rely on others. This can lead to friendships that feel superficial or distant, though they’re often dependable in practical ways.

4. Disorganized Attachment:
   Marked by a mix of seeking connection and fearing it, those with disorganized attachment may struggle with trust in friendships. Their relationships can feel inconsistent, as they alternate between needing closeness and withdrawing.

Signs Attachment Is Affecting Your Friendships

• You feel overly dependent on a friend or fear losing their approval.

• You avoid leaning on friends, even when you need support.

• You find it hard to trust or open up to others.

• Your friendships often feel like they’re stuck in a cycle of highs and lows.

Can You Change the Pattern?

Yes! Awareness of how attachment affects your friendships is the first step. By identifying your attachment style, you can work toward creating healthier dynamics:

• Securely attached: Strengthen your existing connections with open communication.

• Anxiously attached: Practice self-soothing and recognize your inherent worth outside of friendships.

• Avoidantly attached: Take small steps to open up emotionally with safe friends.

• Disorganized attachment: Work on trusting others and creating stability in your relationships.

Why It Matters

Friendships are an essential part of a fulfilling life. Understanding your attachment style can help you navigate these relationships with more confidence, balance, and connection.