How to Actually Sleep After a Breakup: 10 Tips for Restoring Restful Nights

Breaking up is hard enough during the day—but at night, when everything quiets down, the emotional pain can feel unbearable. Tossing and turning, replaying conversations, or feeling a deep sense of loss can make sleep elusive. If you’re struggling with post-breakup insomnia, you’re not alone. Sleep is essential for emotional healing, and while it may take time, there are ways to rest easier. Here are 10 tips to help you reclaim peaceful nights after a breakup.

1. Create a Sleep Sanctuary

Your bedroom should be a space of comfort and relaxation, not a reminder of your past relationship. Refresh your sleep environment by changing your sheets, rearranging your space, or even getting a new pillow. If your ex’s presence lingers in your bedroom—through old photos, gifts, or shared items—consider removing them to make your space feel truly yours again.

2. Set a Breakup-Free Bedtime Routine

A calming nighttime routine can signal your body that it's time to wind down. Try activities like:

• Reading (more on this below!)

• Taking a warm bath or shower

• Practicing gentle stretching or yoga

• Drinking a caffeine-free herbal tea, like chamomile or lavender

By replacing old bedtime habits with new ones, you create a fresh nighttime ritual that isn’t tied to your ex.

3. Read a Book That Heals and Inspires

Reading before bed helps shift your focus away from overthinking and can provide powerful insights for healing. A great choice is Mastery of Love by Don Miguel Ruiz. This book explores love, fear, and emotional wounds, helping you reframe relationships and approach love from a place of self-acceptance and wholeness.

Other great reads for post-breakup healing:

• Attached by Amir Levine & Rachel Heller (for understanding attachment styles)

• Radical Acceptance by Tara Brach (for embracing self-compassion)

• The Body Keeps the Score by Bessel van der Kolk (for understanding emotional trauma)

Pick something that soothes and uplifts you rather than triggering painful memories.

4. Avoid Doom-Scrolling & Overthinking

It’s tempting to stalk your ex’s social media or replay old memories when you can’t sleep, but this only fuels anxiety and prolongs heartbreak. Set boundaries for yourself—consider putting your phone on Do Not Disturb mode or charging it in another room. If overthinking is keeping you up, try journaling before bed to release your thoughts onto paper rather than letting them spiral in your mind.

5. Use Guided Meditations or Sleep Hypnosis

When your mind won’t shut off, guided sleep meditations or sleep hypnosis can help reprogram negative thought patterns and ease emotional pain.

One great resource is Sleep Magic, a podcast designed to help you drift off with gentle hypnosis. Their episode "Healing Heartbreak While You Sleep" offers a soothing guided hypnosis session specifically for processing breakups. Try listening with headphones as you settle into bed.

6. Try a Weighted Blanket

A weighted blanket provides deep pressure stimulation, which can help reduce stress and anxiety. It mimics the feeling of being hugged, offering a sense of comfort during a time when loneliness might feel overwhelming.

7. Practice Breathing Exercises for Sleep

If your emotions feel too intense, try deep breathing exercises to calm your body:

• 4-7-8 Breathing: Inhale for 4 seconds, hold for 7, exhale for 8. Repeat until relaxed.

• Box Breathing: Inhale for 4 seconds, hold for 4, exhale for 4, hold for 4. Repeat.

These exercises slow your heart rate and help shift your body into sleep mode.

8. Get Out of Bed if You Can’t Sleep

If you’re lying awake for more than 20 minutes, don’t force sleep—get up and do a relaxing activity in dim lighting, such as reading (again, a perfect time for Mastery of Love!) or stretching. Avoid screens or anything overly stimulating. Once you feel drowsy, return to bed. This prevents your brain from associating your bed with frustration.

9. Limit Alcohol & Caffeine

A glass of wine may seem like a good way to relax, but alcohol can disrupt sleep patterns, leading to restless nights. Similarly, caffeine can linger in your system for hours, making it harder to fall asleep. Try to cut back, especially in the evening.

10. Be Patient & Kind to Yourself

Healing takes time. Some nights will be harder than others, and that’s okay. If you can’t sleep, remind yourself that rest, even if not perfect, is still progress. Over time, your body and mind will adjust, and peaceful sleep will return.

Final Thoughts
Breakups are emotionally exhausting, and disrupted sleep is a common side effect. By making small, intentional changes, you can create a nighttime routine that supports healing and rest. Sleep hypnosis, books like Mastery of Love, and holistic remedies can provide additional support, but the most important thing is being patient with yourself. If sleep issues persist, don’t hesitate to seek support—whether through therapy, coaching, or mindfulness practices. You deserve rest, and with time, you’ll find it again.

Hi! I’m Nicole and I’m a Licensed Therapist in California.

If you are looking for support, guidance, or relief through a breakup or relationship challenges, reach out! Schedule your free call with me to get started!