Overcoming Heartbreak: A Guide to Healthy Coping After a Breakup

Introduction

Coping strategies are the things we do to deal with stress, problems, or uncomfortable emotions. After a break up, emotional pain can be at the max. What you do with the discomfort can be helpful and healthy, or toxic and unhealthy.

Some find pretending like it’s not a big deal, want to avoid it, compartmentalize the relationship, stay distracted, and try to move on in life quickly with a new partner. And on the opposite end, you see others find themselves dwelling/marinating in the pain, the memories of their ex, and become demobilized by the heartbreak.

Let’s face it, sometimes we do things that we know are just not good for us. Sometimes in uncomfortable situations, we make some quick or impulsive decisions, in the hopes for some relief, some good feelings, or just something different. And sometimes it may feel like whatever we do, nothing is going to help. And it is true, the pain might be there, but there are definitely things that you can do to help you heal in a healthy way.

When it comes to breakups, is there a right way to cope? You are already in deep pain, that seems everlasting, and you don’t want to use any unhelpful strategies that will only deepen or prolong the pain. There are such ways to cope in a healthy way! Keep reading to get some tips on healthy coping after a break-up.

Healthy Coping Mechanisms

Emotional expression:

It is sooo soo important to actually give the uncomfortable emotions some acknowledgment. Yes I get it, sadness feels overwhelming, who wants to feel sad. No one, but the important thing is to learn a healthy balance of looking at the pain, and also continuing on with life, and giving yourself some space from the pain.

Some way you can do to express the emotions can be through talking about it to a trusted friend, and journaling the thoughts and feelings that are coming up for you in the moment. And if you are in a place that doesn’t want to talk to friends or feels that your friends of tired of hearing about it, then turn to a trusted empathetic therapist that will give you the space to vent, and also help organize your thoughts.

Self-care:

PHYSICAL- Remember to take care of yourself through movement, going to the gym, stay active. Expereincing depression and anxiety is known to affect your appetite, either making you binge, munch, or forgeting to noursh yourself. It is importnt that we continue to make efforts to eat nourishing food that make us feel good. Also sleep can often be distrubed after a break up, so maybe now is the time to try to create some healthy sleep habits/sleep routine, getting enough rest.

SOCIAL- Making sure you continue to stay connected with people who love you and you enjoy being aroud. Make a list of activities that you enjoy and schedule it for the week, make plans with your friends, invite them over, cook for someone, join a new tennis group, or find a meetup group locally.

MINDFULNESS/MEDITATION- Practicing mindfulness and relaxation techniques (e.g., meditation, deep breathing). Maybe go to your local park, sit under a big shady tree, go to the beach, be out in nature and be present.

Setting boundaries:

Boundaries are “rules” we establish to help protect ourselves, so after a break up you might need to make some changes in your relationship with you ex. Establishing boundaries on if you will continue communication and how much, do you need physical space (if you lived together). Think about boundaries with any mutual friends or your partner’s family, or on social media. There is no right or wrong, but you have to be honest with yourself on the potential pain or prolonged pain that can come with continuing contact with your ex’s friends and family.

Be honest, is having contact with your ex helping or hurting you even more? Does staying in contact or continuing to have them on social media prolong the grief, yes! Sometimes we hold on to hope, that things can change and get better. If you find yourself ruminating on your ex, that is when you should decide to create boundaries for yourself to protect yourself from dwelling.

Unhealthy Coping Mechanisms

Substance abuse:

Alcohol, weed might be things people turn to, but it might only make it worse. Going out for a wild night, taking shots in hopes of blocking out the pain, might only help temporily and may come with some consequences. Alcohol is a depressant that can only make you feel even more sad. Alcohol can also increase chances of risky behaviors, having sex with someone new to feel desired again will only help in the short term.

Avoidance:

Avoidant people are the best at trying to avoid their feelings about a breakup. It can be through denying that it affected you and that you are “ok” or jumping into a brand new relationship. But the truth is, problems and feelings just don’t disappear. They come up somehow, dreams, mood, or in your body you might feel more tense, or maybe in your next relationship. The more you avoid, the more you prolong the process to move on emotinally and find hope again in the future.

Obsessions:

The opposite of avoidance is obsessing, or constantly thinking about the breakup or your ex-partner. Maybe it’s rerunning through what happened over and over, blaming yourself, constantly looking at your ex’s social media to see if they posted something new. Maybe is constantly talking about the ex, or breakup with everyperson you come in contact with. Some strategies for managing obsessive thoughts, limit exposure to reminders of ex, limit contact with ex, practicing mindfulness, get outdoors and be present in life.

Transitioning to Healthy Coping

So now that we identified some helpful and unhelpful strategies, it is time to recognize your own unhealthy coping patterns. Maybe start by identifying and making a list of your own unhealthy coping strategies.

You can also make a weekly plan by planning out your week, adding things to your calendar to help you cope in a positive way.

If you are finding it hard to set boundaries with yourself, ask one of your friends to help you out, whether its sending a text to set boundaries on communication or contact, or maybe removing or silencing the ex from social media. If you are finding it difficult to use the healthy coping strategies, explore your own barriers, fears maybe of losing the person completely. Talk to a therapist to explore the pros and cons of how you are coping. And maybe cutting off someone cold turkey sounds too harsh, then practice limiting in small steps, giving yourself until the end of the week, or in 2 weeks.

Conclusion

Seeking help and support is a crucial step in addressing challenges and improving mental well-being. It’s important to remember that reaching out for assistance is a sign of strength, not weakness. Engaging with a therapist can provide you with the tools and strategies needed to navigate through difficulties, understand your emotions better, and work through past experiences that may be impacting your present life. Therapy can help illuminate patterns in relationships and self-talk that may be holding you back.

Change is possible, and by taking that brave step to seek help, you are already on your path to healing. It does get better! Allow yourself the opportunity to grow and learn in a supportive environment.