Tips to Handle a Breakup as a People Pleaser
For people pleasers, breakups can feel especially overwhelming. Along with the usual pain of ending a relationship, you might find yourself worried about your ex’s feelings, avoiding conflict, or struggling to prioritize your own healing. If this sounds familiar, you’re not alone—and there are ways to navigate this challenging time with self-compassion and growth.
1. Acknowledge Your Emotions
As a people pleaser, you may be tempted to suppress your own feelings to focus on your ex or avoid causing discomfort. Remind yourself that your emotions are valid. Take time to grieve the relationship and honor the hurt, sadness, or relief you may be feeling. Reminding yourself why it ended, and if you are unsure and seeking answers try therapy.
2. Practice Saying “No”
Breakups often bring situations where you’ll need to set limits—like saying no to meeting up with your ex or not responding to their messages right away. Start small, and remind yourself that “no” is a complete sentence. You don’t have to justify or explain your boundaries.
3. Focus on Self-Care
When your instinct is to care for others, self-care may feel foreign or even selfish. Try reframing it: by taking care of yourself, you’re building the emotional strength to show up better in all areas of your life. Prioritize rest, nourishing activities, and time with supportive friends or family.
4. Redirect Your Energy
People pleasers often struggle with a sense of emptiness after a breakup because so much energy was invested in the relationship. Use this time to reconnect with your own interests, hobbies, and goals. What lights you up? Where do you want to grow?
5. Challenge Guilt and Over-Accommodating Thoughts
Do you feel guilty about the breakup, even if it wasn’t your fault? Are you tempted to check on your ex even though it’s not helpful for you? Explore these thoughts by asking:
Am I responsible for their feelings or healing?
What do I need in this moment, and how can I prioritize that?
6. Seek Support
People pleasers may struggle to ask for help, but you don’t have to go through this alone. A trusted friend, family member, or therapist can provide guidance, encouragement, and a reminder to focus on your needs.
Remember: It’s Okay to Put Yourself First
Healing from a breakup as a people pleaser can feel like unfamiliar territory, but it’s also an opportunity to grow in self-worth and resilience. Putting yourself first isn’t selfish—it’s a way to honor your needs, protect your peace, and prepare for healthier relationships in the future.
Therapy is a great place to turn after a breakup. Whether it’s processing the changes, grief, or help with setting boundaries and how to move forward, I can help! Reach out to schedule a free call with me to get started!
