Why Do People Struggle With Vulnerability?
Does Vulnerability feel Risky for you? Makes sense. Vulnerability is often seen as a double-edged sword. On one hand, it’s the key to deeper connections and authentic relationships. On the other hand, it feels dangerous and that something bad comes with it. Why is it so hard for so many of us to let down our guard and open up?
1. Fear of Rejection
Vulnerability means exposing parts of ourselves—our fears, desires, and imperfections—that we often keep hidden (some call this the shadow parts). The fear of rejection or judgment makes this exposure feel like a threat.
Example: You want to tell a friend about a mistake you made at work, but you’re afraid they’ll think less of you. Instead, you stay silent and carry the burden alone.
2. Cultural Messages About Strength
Society often glorifies independence, toughness, and control, equating vulnerability with weakness. These messages can make it difficult to embrace vulnerability, even though it’s a sign of courage and emotional strength. Messages about being emotional and showing emotions are mixed and confusing, despite recent shift in the importance of mental health.
Example: A man hesitates to cry in front of his partner after a difficult loss because he’s been taught to “be strong” and not show emotion.
3. Past Experiences
Many people have been hurt in the past when they’ve tried to be vulnerable. Whether it’s a betrayal, criticism, or neglect, those experiences create emotional scars. It’s natural to want to avoid pain by keeping our defenses up.
Example: A woman once opened up to a friend about her anxiety, only to be dismissed with, “You’re overreacting.” Now, she avoids discussing her feelings with anyone.
4. Fear of Losing Control
Vulnerability requires letting go of control—of outcomes, perceptions, and sometimes even emotions. For those who find safety in predictability, surrendering that control can feel overwhelming.
Example: A coworker hesitates to admit they’re struggling with a project because they don’t want to appear incompetent or risk losing their professional reputation.
5. Lack of Practice
For some, vulnerability isn’t a natural skill—it’s a learned one. If you grew up in an environment where emotions weren’t expressed or valued, it might feel unnatural or even unsafe to share openly.
Example: Someone who grew up in a “tough love” household finds it difficult to tell their partner when they’re feeling sad because they were taught to “deal with it” on their own.
The Transformative Power of Vulnerability
While vulnerability is challenging, it’s also where real growth and connection happen. By sharing our authentic selves, we allow others to truly see us, fostering intimacy and trust. Vulnerability is the bridge between isolation and belonging.
Start Small
If you struggle with vulnerability, start with small, safe steps. Share something personal with someone you trust or practice self-compassion when your guard goes up. Over time, you’ll find that vulnerability doesn’t weaken you—it empowers you.
Or join my 6-week transformative group “Mastery of Vulnerability”. Click below for more info and to sign up!
