Breakups at Work: When You Work with Your Ex (Yep, Still Breathing the Same Air)

Oh no. Honestly as a breakup therapist, this might be on the top of the list of worst parts about breaking up. So, you broke up… and then walking into the same building, under the same flickering fluorescent lights, to realize: yep, your ex works here too. Ugh the tension and awkwardness. Maybe you can hear them laughing at Kim’s jokes. Just breathing the same air. Possibly eating the last blueberry muffin in the breakroom like nothing ever happened.

Welcome to the uniquely painful circus known as: the post-breakup workplace dynamic.

You didn’t ask for this. Nor did you imagine being in the situation, because you probably didn’t imagine it ending. Took the risk of having a relationship with a hopefulness of it lasting, and being a wonderful story to share with others! And yet, here you are—trying to be professional while silently screaming inside during meetings or coworkers asking you about “what happened”. Let’s break it down.

The Pain Points (a.k.a. Why This Feels Extra Horrible)

1. Emotional Whiplash One minute you’re doing fine. Then you see them reusing that mug you bought them and suddenly you're spiraling.

2. No Escape Most breakups come with at least a little distance. But not this one. Here, you still share a Slack channel, an HR department, and—worst of all—a communal fridge.

3. Office Gossip You swore you wouldn’t care. But now you’ve heard whispers. Your ex is talking about you to other coworkers. WHAT ARE THEY SAYING? (Spoiler: Probably not what your anxious brain is imagining.)

How to Cope Without Quitting or Committing Corporate Arson

1. Designate Your Safe Zones

Find the people and spaces at work that feel neutral, comforting, or distraction-filled. Take your breaks with coworkers who don’t know or care about your relationship history. Or use lunch to get fresh air, listen to breakup playlists, or text your group chat the latest cringe thing your ex said during the 10 a.m. check-in.

2. Set Boundaries—Internally and Externally

No, you don’t have to tell your ex how you’re feeling in the middle of Q2 planning. You can choose to keep it professional, short, and sweet. If conversations veer into personal territory, redirect or excuse yourself. Internally, remind yourself that your ex’s actions, words, and outfits are no longer your business.

3. Prepare for the Sightings

Yes, you will run into them. Probably when you’re feeling most fragile, and they’re… laughing in the hallway like they’re in a toothpaste commercial. Create a plan for these moments. (Ex: Breathe. Ground yourself. Repeat your mantra: “This is temporary.” Then walk away with the confidence of someone who knows their worth.)

4. Limit the Replays

You don’t need to reanalyze their every email or body language cue. The breakup already happened. Try to focus your energy on yourself—your growth, your healing, your snack stash.

5. Use Your Power: You’re Not Powerless

While you might not control who gets assigned to what project, you do get to control your attitude, your energy, and the way you care for yourself. That’s actually huge.

When Your Ex is Talking About You at Work

Okay. This one’s the worst. You’ve heard it through the grapevine: your ex is talking about you to coworkers.

Deep breath. Here’s what to do:

🌪 First, reality check:

People talk. Sometimes out of hurt, sometimes out of ego, sometimes because they haven’t discovered journaling yet. If your ex is chatting about your relationship, it doesn’t mean it reflects who you are—it reflects where they’re at.

👂 Don't eavesdrop on the drama:

The more you try to hear what's being said, the more you get pulled into the emotional muck. Ask yourself: Do I need to know, or am I self-sabotaging? Usually, it’s the latter. Be kind to yourself.

🛡 Protect your peace:

If the gossip crosses a line into disrespect or harassment, document it. HR exists for a reason (even if they wear weird vests). You deserve to feel safe and respected at work.

🧘‍♀️ Zoom Out:

Most people are way more focused on their own inboxes and coffee consumption than they are on your breakup drama. Your mind might tell you “everyone’s talking”—but 97% of your coworkers are just trying to survive their morning meeting.

Final Thoughts: You Are Doing the Hard Thing

Showing up. Doing your job. Not crying during the client presentation. That’s all very impressive.

Breakups suck. Breakups at work feel like the Olympics of emotional control. But here’s the truth: this is temporary. The intensity will fade. You’ll have wins again—personal and professional. And one day, you’ll pass your ex in the hallway and feel absolutely… nothing. Or better yet, you’ll be too busy living your best life to even notice.

Until then, one coffee at a time. One deep breath at a time. And hey, if all else fails—there’s always LinkedIn.

Hi! I’m Nicole. Licensed Therapist in California.

I specialize in relationship issues, breakups, and trauma using Attachment and IFS-informed EMDR (the ultimate healing cocktail!). If you are interested in working with me, reach out and schedule a free call!