“Too Nice” After the Breakup: Let’s Talk About It
So, you broke up. Maybe you were the dumper, maybe the dumpee, maybe it was “mutual” (lol, was it though?). Either way, here you are—technically single, emotionally in limbo, and doing something a little too sweet.
Like…you’re still checking in on them.
Bringing them soup when they're sick.
Letting them keep your Netflix password.
Asking if they need a ride to the airport.
WHAT IN THE EX DOING UBER IS GOING ON HERE?
Let’s call it what it is: You’re being Too Nice™ after the breakup.
“But I Don’t Want to Be Rude…”
You’re not rude. You’ve never been rude. You send thank-you notes, you don’t honk in traffic, and you always say “no worries if not” even when you’re actually full of worries. Being nice is in your DNA.
But post-breakup “niceness”? That’s a different beast. That’s code for:
“I still want them to like me,”
“I don’t want to hurt their feelings,”
or my personal favorite—
“I want to seem so unbothered that they regret everything and crawl back.”
Newsflash: You’re not unbothered. You’re casserole-delivering-to-your-ex levels of bothered.
Being Kind ≠ Being a Doormat
Being kind is great. Being thoughtful is lovely. But there’s a fine line between being a decent human and being your ex’s unpaid emotional support animal.
Let me be blunt: You do not need to prove you’re a good person by being available to your ex.
That’s not kindness. That’s a people-pleasing habit dressed in a halo and angel wings.
Why You Might Be Doing This:
You’re avoiding guilt – If you ended things, you might feel bad. But letting them text you at 2 a.m. isn't going to make either of you heal faster.
You’re craving closeness – You're lonely and your brain is reaching for what feels familiar. But familiarity isn’t the same as safety. Or growth.
You're leaving the door cracked open – In case they change, improve, or finally realize you're the love of their life. Babe. You’re not a 7-Eleven. Close the damn door.
Sassy Truth Time:
You don’t owe your ex friendship, favors, or emotional CPR.
You don’t need to “prove” you’re healed by staying chill and kind.
You don’t have to answer their “u up?” just because you’re a nice person.
Being “too nice” post-breakup is often just a sneaky way to stay emotionally entangled. It delays the grief, the growth, the glow-up.
And I know you're not about that stuck life.
Here’s What to Do Instead:
✨ Go full No Contact Mode. It's not mean. It’s medicine.
✨ Delete the contact, unfollow, mute, block if needed. Out of sight, out of your business.
✨ Redirect all that sweetness back to you. Soup? Make it for yourself.
✨ Be someone you would want to date. Boundaried. Glowing. Unavailable to their chaos.
Listen—your kindness is beautiful. But it should be reserved for people who deserve your care and presence, not someone who once made you cry over a salad at 2pm on a Tuesday.
So go ahead, reclaim your nice for you.
And if anyone calls you cold or heartless?
Just smile, sip your iced matcha, and say:
“I’m healing, not hosting.”
Need support cutting emotional cords or stepping into your post-breakup power? I got you. Book a session or stalk my IG for spicy breakup tips and therapist-approved sass. 💁♀️💔✨
Hi! I’m Nicole, “Professional Heart Mender”- Licenced Therapist in California.
I specialize in working with client 1:1 through relationship challenges, breakups, or trauma. Reach out to schedule a free call!
