Heartbreak Survival: Using IFS to Move On With Grace
Breakups are rough. One minute, you’re sharing your deepest thoughts with someone; the next, you’re debating whether it’s acceptable to unfollow them on Instagram. Emotions are high, logic is low, and somewhere in between, you’re trying to figure out why you suddenly feel like a teenager all over again. Enter: Internal Family Systems (IFS) and its trusty 8 Cs to help you navigate the emotional rollercoaster of heartbreak.
What is IFS (and Why Should You Care)? IFS is a therapeutic approach that sees the mind as a collection of different parts, kind of like a reality TV show cast—some parts are dramatic, some are wise, and some just want to eat ice cream in bed. At the core of IFS is the Self, which embodies the 8 Cs: Curiosity, Calm, Clarity, Compassion, Confidence, Courage, Creativity, and Connectedness. These qualities help you move through life (and breakups) with more grace and self-understanding.
So, let’s see how these 8 Cs can get you through your breakup without texting your ex at 2 AM.
The 8 Cs of IFS (Breakup Edition)
Curiosity – Instead of spiraling into "What’s wrong with me?" mode, get curious about your emotions. Why do you feel this way? What part of you is hurting the most? Imagine you’re a detective solving the mystery of your own heart.
Calm – Take a deep breath. Your nervous system has been hijacked, and that’s okay. Meditation, deep breathing, and walks outside can help bring some much-needed stillness. And yes, putting your phone on Do Not Disturb counts as self-care.
Clarity – Without the emotional fog, what do you really know to be true? Maybe the breakup was necessary. Maybe you ignored red flags. Maybe you’re just really hungry right now. Either way, clarity will help you separate truth from post-breakup storytelling.
Compassion – Be kind to yourself. No, really. The version of you who’s hurting doesn’t need judgment; they need comfort. Would you tell a friend they’re unlovable? No? Then don’t do it to yourself.
Confidence – Remember who you are. A breakup doesn’t define your worth. Channel your inner Beyoncé (or your most self-assured alter ego). Stand tall. Hype yourself up. You are still a catch, even if your ex couldn’t see it.
Courage – Facing emotions head-on is brave. It’s easy to distract yourself with Netflix binges and rebound flings, but real courage comes from allowing yourself to grieve, process, and move forward on your own terms.
Creativity – Heartbreak is the birthplace of some of the best art (and most dramatic playlists). Use your creativity to write, paint, dance, or finally start that weird hobby you’ve been putting off. Turn pain into something meaningful.
Connectedness – You are not alone. Reach out to friends, family, or a therapist who gets it (wink, wink). Isolation can make things worse, so surround yourself with people who remind you of your value.
Final Thoughts
Breakups don’t have to be the end of the world. With the 8 Cs as your guide, you can move through the pain with more understanding, less self-blame, and a lot more self-love. And if all else fails, just remember: blocking your ex is a form of self-care.
Need some extra support? Therapy can help. You don’t have to do this alone!
Hi! I’m Nicole and I’m a Licensed Therapist in California.
I specialize in relationships, breakups, and trauma. If you are interest in working with me, first step is to schedule a free call! I’d love to hear from you!
