what is attatchment based therapy?
Attachment theory seems to have become a popular topic of discuss sparking curiosity of what is your own attachment and possible leading you to wonder the attachment style of those around you.
What is Attatchment Theory
Let me begin with a basic explanation of what the attachment theory is. Attachment theory was thought of by a psychiatrist named Bowlby, that studied and made some observations about children while working at a clinic with emotionally disturbed children.
Basically, humans have needs. Babies have the most needs in their early child life because they are very much dependent on their caregiver/parent to help keep them alive and safe. Some of these needs include being fed, being changed (poopy diapers), being soothed, and feeling connected. Babies need to feel connected because imagine living in a world alone, there is potential threat to our systems when we are or even feel completely alone.
This is why there has been a big push for teaching new parents how to connect with their child, skin to skin contact, mirroring what they say and babies babble, playing, attending to baby appropriately, and allowing them to feel “safe” in their environment and in the world.
Anyways some observations Bolby made were that there were different kinds of responded and relationships that the child formed depending on how the caregiver responded to the child and responded to the child’s needs. He described some children as secure, anxious, avoidant, and ambivalent.
Secure Attatchment
Secure children had parents to would tend to the child’s needs appropriately, these parents also weren’t overly worried or concerned about their child, they were able to connect with the child through play, they provide to be a consistent caregiver, they understood the child’s need for independence, and also were able to give the child tools they need to thrive and comfort through emotions to feel safe. Secure children are not preoccupied with mistrust, and aren’t worrying or fearful of losing relationship with the important caregiver. Love is unconditional.
And because children will adapt to their environment, and depending on if the environment is paying attention to the child’s needs, meeting those needs, and providing a safe place physically(safe from danger) and emotionally (expression of self).
Anxious Attatchment
There were some children that were labeled having anxious attachment, maybe because they lived in an unpredictable environment, maybe their needs weren’t met, maybe they had a parent/caregiver that was anxious themselves which the child system takes in too. An example of this is you have a baby that seems to cry when help by someone other than the primary caregiver/parent and the baby begins to cry, and the parent will try to console baby immediately by taking the baby back. Parent might be giving off the message, “I am the only one that can care for you, we can’t trust other people”. Sometimes these children are so fearful and anxious of others and the world that they cling, they fear being abandoned or losing that relationship, they might avoid taking risks (and risks in relationships), and don’t trust that they have the ability to help themselves or do the things they want to do.
Avoidant Attatchment
There were some children that had an avoidant attachment style. These children most likely did not get their needs met as they needed and became almost numb to forming a connection. Maybe the parent was not present, maybe they had a parent that had their own mental health struggles that made it had for the parent to be present for the child, used substances, and did not provide a “safe” environment for the child. These children won’t seek comfort from others (keep it to themselves), and also little interest in their parent. Children that are avoidant received messages that they can not trust others (because they couldn’t trust that their parents would be there for them which forced them to become independent). As adults they become fearful of being hurt emotionally and avoid intimacy with others out of fear of feeling that pain again as they did as a child.
Disorganized
Then lastly there were children that seemed to be Disorganized These children also mostly likely grew up in a very unpredictable home, environment, they didn’t get their needs met and weren’t able to develop trust in their caregiver, nor trust in themselves. They may have grown up with an abusive parent, received mixed messages about their relationship with parent, wanting to love and be close, but also being fearful of consequences or abuse that the parent may have reacted with in situations.
Attatchment Theory in Therapy
So now that you know a little about attachment theory, let me give you an idea of how a therapist might use this approach in therapy:
Exploring your childhood, what was it like, memorable parts, traumatic difficult parts
Exploring your relationship with caregivers/parents, and other significant people in your life
Exploring if your needs were met/unmet
Explore how you learned to adapt to your family (how they functioned/not functioned)
Exploring behaviors/beliefs that you may have learned through modeling
Explore current relationship patterns, and how they may be related to adaptations/role modeling from your childhood experiences
If you find yourself having challenges in relationships, exploring your early childhood will most likely this is something important to explore because as I previously mentioned, it will most likely mirror your intimate relationships with you partner. We learn from our family and caregivers consciously and unconsciously, through modeling (watching how our family acts as a partner, parent and we copy that) and or through adapting and reacting to how the family went about things, and how to get your needs met.
And if you've ever heard of the “daddy issues” or “mommy issues”, there might be something more to explore and working with a therapist through these may be helpful in relearning new healthier and more helpful ways to form positive relationships as an adult.
