How I’ve Landed in the perfect spot

Have you heard of self actualization?

“Self-actualization, in Maslow's hierarchy of needs, is the highest level of psychological development, where personal potential is fully realized after basic bodily and ego needs have been fulfilled.” (quote from Wikipedia)

And I def agree with Mr. Maslow, and part of this self actualization/and personal potential might involve finding a career that suites you, fills you, and brings you joy and fulfillment.

Let me tell you that my road to becoming a therapist, was not so straight forward. No I did not always know I wanted to help people, nor did I ever imagine myself supporting anyone emotionally. And I probably didn’t even feel capable of it since I grew up in my household where there was no talk about mental health or feelings, and my friends/parents would probably agree it was a surprise of what I’ve become .

I did always have a curiosity for people. People from different paths of life, cultures, religions, ethnicities. I remember in high school driving and taking the bus to cities an hour away just to see how different their lives were.

When I went to college, I started off as “undeclared”. I remember being in a big room during orientation. I had no idea what these majors they announced were, what they involved, I knew nothing and I remember feeling soo lost. It seemed like other people knew exactly what they wanted to be. Most people in the room chose their major, and others (like me) decided on this other option- Undeclared/Undecided.

I began taking general education classes, and one class that really sparked my interest was Sociology. I remember my Sociology professor at that time would just bring up the most fascinating topics, about people, culture, politics, and would challenge all that I ever knew. By my 2nd year of college, it was time to commit, and then I chose to continue the study of people.

Undergrad was def an experience, I did some growing up, more in my opinions, values, and ability to be different and opinionated. After graduating, there I was again, not knowing what the next chapter would be. I thought about being a teacher, and somehow I never went through with it, and I am somewhat thankful I waited a little longer.

Soon after graduating, my dear college friend called me to tell me about a job opportunity at a skilled nursing facility, working with elderly. I was interviewed and hired as Social Services Assistant, and it was one of the most fulfilling jobs I had had at that time. There I got to work with many sweet elderly folk, and some young ones too. Some were long term residents, stuck in a nursing home forever (so sad). I remember one very special lady stole my heart. And this lady happened to have Schizoaffective disorder (which is someone that has both characteristics of bipolar disorder and Schizophrenia). I remember reading her file and her history of how she ended up in the nursing home. That lady def had some very significant things happen to her in life (like abuse, house burning, and losing significant person). I also remember many other residents, that also were diagnosed with mental health diagnosis, and that is when I became more curious about how I can make this my future career.

Well, good thing I had a lovely Marriage Family Therapist aunt/godmother. She was always someone I looked up to. And soon I found myself looking up “careers working in mental health”, Marriage Family Therapy came up, and then I made the decision to study psychology at Albizu University in Miami.

Fast forward to completing school in Miami, I was ready for the move back home (in lovely Orange County). Getting a job was tough after moving back from out of state, because at that time I mainly had experience with elderly people. Most jobs that were posted were working with kids (that’s where all the funding goes). I knew nothing about kids at that time, but I eventually got lucky landed a job working for a community agency in OC that worked with at risk children and their families. Let me tell you how lucky I was to work there. I met some amazing people, learned from the best, and felt again even more fulfilled with the work we did to help families and children in OC.

My experience continued, working with children that had depression, anxiety, or had experienced trauma. I was also lucky enough to have been trained in working with parents, through positive parenting approach (and thank goodness for this training, it came right on time before I had my own child). During this time, I was providing therapy to kids at their school, but there was a big problem with this because I wasn’t having as much contact with the parents as needed to make that impact.

COVID came, and I became tired of providing only virtual care. I left my community agency to work at a group practice. Best decision ever! I worked with an amazing boss and team, that challenged me, trained me and opened my eyes to using other approaches in therapy, and unknowingly taught me some things about opening my own private practice. During this time I began working with adults and young adults. I had a good mixture of children, adults, and parents as my clients, and I truly enjoyed each and every one of them. And this is where I began to see the problems across different life spans.

In working with children, it has taught me to look at things through a child’s eyes and perspective. Children are children, they are not the most rational (very emotional), their brains are not fully developed, and they are fully dependent on an adult to meet most of their needs and to be taught about this thing called life. And when that little child did not have a parent that was able to meet those need (because of their own mental health, financial stress, or just not not knowing how) and give them life skills they need so badly, the child suffered. Children absorb everything from their environment, and need the nurturing and love in order to thrive.

In working with young adults and the relationship problems they were bringing to the sessions (problems with their partner, parents, siblings), I found myself always exploring their childhood, and because of my experience, I helped them identify their needs as a child that possibly did not get met, that caused some hurt and pain, that they continue to hold in their adult life, and affecting their current relationships.

Working with parents, and being a parent myself, has allowed me to teach parents what it is to be a child again (through exploring their own childhood), and helping them acknowledge that they had needs as a child that did not get met and now they have to opportunity to be a “different kind of parent”, to stop the patterns or toxic habits they were taught unconsciously, all while reminding them to take care of themselves (physical, mental, emotional) and to heal from their own childhoods in order to be their best self/parent.

And that brings me to the present. Deciding on my niche was stressful, I had so many target populations I wanted to work with (children, adults, parents) , but somehow I had to choose a one. Then it came to me that all 3 have something in common. All are humans, navigating life and relationships trying to get their needs met, all with their own history and their own trauma, heartbreak and attachment wounds. Working with humans across a life span has been eye opening, in being able to understand every person I work with individually, and I continue to be passionate about supporting each individual in healing their hearts, feeling confident in their ability to take care of themselves, and having healthy and fulfilling relationships.